waiting
by neon flux
Summary: ‘If there was one thing I knew before…I’m not the type who waits…I refuse to wait…I won’t wait…but of course, every rule has its exception, and in my case, it’s really entirely a matter of who rather than what for.’ AxC


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything in this subcategory

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Waiting

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'If there was one thing I knew before…I'm not the type who waits…I refuse to wait…I won't wait…but of course, every rule has its exception, and in my case, it's really entirely a matter of who rather than what for.'

Her eyes stared blankly at her cup. The small circles created by her stirring somehow draw her attention. It was a good distraction, she thought. If she was to simply sit idly, then this could weary the time a bit. It was hypnotic and addictive. Some people would refer to what she was currently doing (and enjoying) playing with one's food. But that didn't matter. Besides, she was in a good mood today. She won't allow anything to ruin it – not even this seemingly plain drink, let alone what others think.

Perhaps it was in this semi-dazed state that she was able to rethink for the nth time different things. Mostly about where this all started. Again and again, it played in her mind. Just like these circles formed on the coffee surface. Circling round and round…monotonously and continuously.

She closed her eyes…her thoughts - it was as though she's revisiting them. It was as though the very same chain was speaking to her mind.

Here goes…

- - - - -

_I don't know how to explain it, nor where to begin. But I remember it all started when I was suddenly engulfed in a world I'm not all too familiar with. Yeah right. I believe 'stupid' or perhaps 'idiot' would be fitting to call me for allowing myself to be easily manipulated by my so-called constituents. It was as though one stupid mistake was followed by another…then another…then another – it was all piling up. The only solution I had left then was another mistake – agreeing to marry that Yuna. If I had been wiser, then everything would have turned out differently._

_We were drawn once more to yet another war. And by the time I got my act together, I ended up losing the only person I ever thought could tolerate my attitude aside from my brother. I could recall the feeling I had when I sat by his bedside when he got injured – the turning point of his loyalty from Zaft. I remember apologizing to him and lo and behold, wearing the ring he gave me, which for the record, was kept safe for me by my dear li'l brother._

_But what struck me most was seeing that he cared for another. This Meyrin. I knew it was genuinely out of concern, but was I to be blamed for feeling a bit uneasy about the situation?_

_Something changed between us – and it's all because of me._

_Time. They said there was a time for everything. After that incident, I don't think I was able to face him just yet. Surely, he said he forgave me already, but why do I feel that his actions dictate otherwise? It was troubling me….deeper than I thought._

_When I sent them off towards space and decided to stay behind for Orb, I was really hoping I could have a word with him. Say things like "take care" or the hurtful "goodbye" before they leave. I did not wear my ring then, thinking I am unworthy of it. At the end, I never got that chance. Or was it that I never dared make that chance happen? I couldn't tell. I barely cared._

_However, there was another thing that I can do…I could ask Meyrin to - no matter how much it hurt me to admit it, they had been closer than I could imagine - I could ask her to take care of him. _

_The reason was glaringly obvious to me that time. It was simply because I cannot. I don't feel that I could do that for him any longer. And it hurt…it still does._

_Fast forward. The second war – it was finally over as quick as it began. At last, I finally had a goal set for Orb. Unlike before, I could stand up by myself and dictate the course my country will take. I feel confident now, and capable, thanks to my friends who were there for me always – who believed in me as my father had done so in the past._

_But there was always something within that bothered me. And suddenly, I felt that I was back in the very same pit I found myself in before._

_Unknown to all, not even Kira or Lacus noticed, I was there. At that setting sun, I was watching from afar when they, together with four others, stood in front of the memorial._

_As I looked at them, as I see how Meyrin stood beside him…I can't help but feel...I don't know, jealous? Perhaps when you see someone you care for deeply with another woman, you'll feel this negative thing which tells you to simply back off or go get your guy without hesitation. But in my case, I simply couldn't do anything. _

_I couldn't because I know that I hurt him more, if not most. He need not say it out loud, I know I am partly, if not wholly, at fault for all the misery he felt. The moment I agreed to be married to someone else, I already dictated the end of our relationship._

_One thing however rang true to my ears, my heart pounded fast against my chest…I know this…for I truly believe it. It took me some time to finally realize…_

…_it should've been me - I should've been the one by his side._

_So now I decided – I'll wait. Not really thinking what for – my reason won't compare to the added guilt and longing I have within. But rather, for someone - - I will definitely wait for him._

- - - - -

Her eyes opened.

The clock ticked. Its longer hand moved another inch. One hour. She had been sitting there for one full hour now. And she wasn't pleased, her temper started to get the better of her. With all the waiting she's had (presumably a year or so, she already lost count), she mused she had a right to get tired as well, doesn't she?

It was then that a bell sounded, signifying an incoming customer. She looked up, and was met by a familiar face.

"Finally."

She looked at him as he wore this innocent expression on his face. He knew he was late, and all he could do was ruffle his then wind-blown hair. She sighed. He really was helpless.

"Idiot." She muttered, almost whispered in between breaths.

"Huh?"

"Geez, what took you so long?"

And she didn't really know if he got the message right. She didn't really think he knew the depth in her words or her thoughts. But as he gave her that boyish grin, as he sat down opposite her and stared somewhat unlikely lovingly in her eyes, she could tell otherwise.

"I'm sorry." He spoke, in a tone as serious as she could remember.

"But I'm here now. I hope it's enough." He then added, a bit apologetic but certain. She then breathed in, smiling inwardly at his silliness. She shook her head.

"You should know better, of course it is…"

Breaking contact, she then stared at the outside, a soft smile gracing her face.

"…'cause honestly, that's all I could ever ask."

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**A/N:**I know I don't normally write AxC fics, so I really don't know how this one turned out (I hope I did justice to the pairing). But, I wrote one to remind me just exactly how I felt after watching Destiny – the frustration, inspiration, etc. - because I really wasn't particularly that happy that they had no closure at the end. So, I do hope that you enjoyed this, as much as I did writing it. Thanks for reading. Oh yeah, and I would be updating my other fics as well.


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